There's a story in my mind right now and it's that classic children's fable about the race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass hare-brained nincompoop that everybody hates. Y'see, the pain-in-the-ass hare-brained nincompoop kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him. But right at the end, the tortoise bit clean through the hare-brained nincompoop's calf muscle, dragged him to the ground where he and the other tortoises devoured him alive right there on the racetrack.

It's a disturbing children's story, I know. Remind me not to read any children's tale to any kids when my mind's all warped. It's a dog eat dog world we live in after all. Welcome to the Year of the Dog. Let's do it doggy style, yo.