We Malaysians are a lazy bunch of people, aren't we? Parking. When we park our cars, we really like to park our cars close to the entrance of the premise to the extent of illegal or double parking instead of at an available lot that may take a bit of a walk to get to the entrance. Airport moving walkways (or walkalators whatchamacallits). Those things are meant for you to speed up your walking instead of actually helping you move 100 meters without swinging your legs (you can walk faster than those things if you're merely standing on it, trust me). And when you're standing there, you're blocking those who really need to rush at an airport. Elevators. Just what is wrong with taking the steps if you're only going up or down by one floor? Unless you're disabled or carrying loads of stuff with you, there's no reason why you have to keep others waiting for you or you even wait for the elevators in the first place. And the greatest laziness of most Malaysians: Flushing. All it takes sometimes is just a push of a button to flush. Maybe some people find that too streneous that they even got auto flushing ones too but heck, there are those who are even too lazy to aim! I give up, really.

Empty vessels may make the most noise, but half empty (or half full, take your pick) vessels give more trouble as not only are they still noisy, they slosh and throw some weight as well. So would it be too much to ask those people who do not know anything or know just half of something to shut their traps and not advise people with their half cooked knowledge to get on some ego trip? Nothing ticks me off more than people who know only half of something but think that they know everything already and claim that they know nothing when things begin to go beserk after getting people to follow their advice. That's exactly how the mother of all foul fuck ups begin.

And why you guys out there should too! But you already knew that, don't you? :)

1. They smell nice. Must be regular bathing or something – not too sure.
2. They are smart. Must be regular skooling or something.
3. They have that spot sort of behind their ear and down a bit on their neck that drives them wild when you kiss it.
4. They can bring a child into this world. Who can top THAT? Not men, that’s for sure!
5. They have such nice hands which are fun to hold.
6. They have breasts. This requires no explanation for anybody, I’m sure.
7. They have feet which require constant attention. A nice way to have physical contact, I declare.
8. When you are laying next to them, you get to smell their hair, and it’s so great. Must be related to #1.
9. When they get mad at you their cheeks flush red and it makes them look even prettier.
10. After they aren’t mad at you anymore they like being hugged.
11. They are fun to kiss. Must be regular dental hygiene or something – not too sure.
12. It’s nice to stand next to them and talk while you put your arm around them and draw them closer.
13. They challenge you intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.
14. They think of neat things to do to surprise you.
15. They snuggle in close to you at the movies, and they steal all the buttered popcorn.
16. When you look into their eyes you see the spark of a flame that is love.
17. They often laugh at your stupid jokes.
18. They listen to you intently, with great seriousness, THEN they tell you you’re wrong.
19. They can simultaneously match colors for furniture, carpet and drapes without even thinking about it.
20. When they are sleeping, it is calming to listen to them breathing.
21. When they cry, they pull you close, and you feel needed and trusted.
22. They like it when you wash their hair and then brush it for them – just another way to be close to them.
23. They share their most intimate thoughts and deepest fears with you, which makes you feel important and significant.
24. They are fun to lay around with in bed on a lazy Sunday morning.
25. They are often your very best friend. Some men are lucky enough to have this for life.

My friend Jahang has this to say about life:

Hidup ini ibarat roda (sambil menuding jari), ia akan terus berputar... Wang besar! Wang besar!

There are times when you find that the more effort you put in to attain something, the more it gets out of your reach. Some things in this world are meant to be handled like how one would handle a bar of soap. You have to cradle and caress it gently in your hands as you're holding it. Grasp it too hard and it just slips right out of your hands. Trouble then beckons to those who drop their soaps and bend over to pick it up.

So my dress sense and appearance can be quite "simplistic" at times (not sloppy/selekeh I assure you) but I think I really gotta do something about it when I get mistaken for a waiter at a warong somewhere in Subang. Maybe it's the combination of that black concert t-shirt, brown khakis and my carrying a bowl of soto on a tray that led some girls to mistake me for someone who was about to bring their order to the table when I was scouting around for a place to sit. Perhaps I oughtta try that as a new form of pick up line. I'm preparing for the eventuality that I might get bitchslapped silly for even trying. That would still count as some form of physical contact with a person of the opposite gender in any case, no?

Ada satu bagian pada perempuan
Yang sangatlah peka bila disentuh oleh lelaki
Dimanakah bagian itu?
Maukah kau tahu?

Karena bagian itu hanya untuk
Lelaki yang cukup umur
Karena bagian itu sungguh sangat bisa
Buat perempuan dimabuk kepayang dimabuk asmara
Di manakah bagian itu?
Maukah kau tahu?

Who needs a wussy Internet Refrigerator when you can have an Alphaserver 8400 5/300 as the kitchen server in your crib! Running on a variant of the OpenVMS (Open Vending Machine System - it's like an unlocked non-coin operated vending machine) operating system, it stores and retains all the typical refreshments and leftover nourishments a geek needs to survive, especially after those events where most people couldn't make it and you're left with food that can last you one whole week or more for yourself, even after giving some away.